Negotiating Childhood Friendships

Our  feature on Woburn Patch is part of an initiative on our Patch sites to reach out to moms and families.

Woburn Patch invites you and your circle of friends to help build a community of support for mothers and their families right here in Woburn.

Each week in , our Woburn Patch Moms Council of experts and smart moms will take your questions, give advice and share solutions.

So grab a cup of coffee and settle in as we start the conversation today with a question from a local mom and three answers from our Woburn Patch Moms Council: 

Q: How do I address the fact that I don’t want my child hanging out with another child who I consider to be a bad influence?

A: This is such a great question and I have faced this now that my oldest is in kindergarden. It is hard.  I always say that I don't care what the others kids do, but I care how he acts.  He is still young enough that I can dictate who he plays with outside of school, but if he tells me someone did something bad, I take that as an opportunity to tell him those are not things I would want him to to, and that he should probably choose to play with the kids who aren't getting in trouble. 

A: If you are worried about your child hanging around with a child who is a bad influence, you may opt to let them play together under your direct supervision.  Then not only can you supervise what is going on, but you can intervene when necessary after inappropriate behavior.

A: My thoughts on this subject are quite raw as it is something our first-grader is dealing with this at this moment.  We having been trying to make her realize the behavior herself with some suggestions, such as asking, "Do you think it's really nice to act this way?" or "How would you like someone to treat you or your sister's like this?" or  "Would such-and-such (a positive friend) act like that?" It does seem to be working. But it is something you need to keep a very close eye on. We have been making sure she has play-dates with positive friends and I agree that closely supervised play-dates are needed and should happen no matter what.

When our children are in school, they are out of our control of who they interact with.  I do not believe in telling a child they cannot play with someone unless that child presents a danger to them.  We have to give them freedom to make decisions—good or bad—and hope that we instilled the right values in them.